Well, here we are. Another week has come and gone and it’s once again time for all of you, our faithful followers, to receive the worst advice available on the interwebs. I know I’m a little late this week, but give me a break, I have a lot going on.
And always remember Starr Crossed Advice is for entertainment purposes only. If you’re dumb enough to take bad advice I can’t be held responsible for how bad your life gets fucked up.
So let’s get right into the questions.
My girlfriend annoys the shit out of me, but she’s really good in bed. Think she’d be mad if I suggested bringing duck tape on our dates?
Dear Blue-Collar Christian Gray,
First off; duct tape.
Now, to answer your main question, this is a tricky conversation to have. It’s important that partners communicate openly with each other in regards to spicing things up in the bedroom. This is especially true when bringing BDSM play into things. I have just a few tips for moving things in that direction:
-Make sure you’re in a comfortable, familiar place to have the discussion. It won’t help to bring things up in a crowded restaurant.
-Never ask your partner to do something they aren’t comfortable doing. There’s nothing wrong with letting things get a little rough, but not beyond the boundaries of what one of you is okay with.
-It is very important to come up with an agreed upon safe word ahead of time. This is a unique phrase that would never normally be uttered in the bedroom. It can be something cute or whimsical if you like; “clown shoes”, “periwinkle blue”, and “Tom Bombadil” are all good examples. But even if you go with something silly it’s still important that you both understand that if one of you uses this phrase that it’s time to stop, no matter what.
Hope that all helps.
As a fan of the mag, how do you all know each other? Twitter? How do you guys know you’re not all 50 year old men creepers?
Dear Nancy Drew,
Well, I’ve known Budgie an extremely long time. You could consider him sort of my first roommate. And I met KJ through him. From Skype, I can see that KJ isn’t 50 or a man. As for her being a creeper, that I don’t know. Hope that clarifies!
I just met a guy and he keeps texting me when I’m out of town on business. I know he misses me, which is sweet, but why doesn’t he just plan a date so we can see each other when I return?
Dear Person I’ve Probably Never Met,
Maybe he’s having trouble working out a free night with his work schedule this weekend. And it’s not exactly kosher to schedule a date after 10pm. That has implications that he might not be trying to make. Give him a break, whoever you are!
I’ve been with this dude for a long time. We’ve built a family. But I recently met another guy who fits my mold so much better. I love them both. What should I do??? I love the new guy so much, but I love the older guy, too, and he’s what I know. I don’t want to hurt him.
Dear Double Your Pleasure,
It’s not so much about what you “know”, it’s about what you believe real love to be. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what real love is. Yes, there’s infatuation and the butterflies in your stomach and crap, but is that real love? There will always be those people you meet in life that you can’t get out of your head, that you think about day and night. But is that real love? I don’t think so.
Real love comes from having that person in your life who always makes you feel like you’re home, because they are home to you. And without them, you’re lost. And that’s what you have to think about here; is the current man in your life still a home to you?
Moreover, you need to consider whether or not this new man has that potential in your life. It’s important to try to define the line between obsession and real love. I’m not one to throw away the potential of a new relationship, but you need to figure out if it’s worth losing what you already have to pursue something new.
Honestly, it’s not a decision I envy you having to make. And truth be told, only you can know what the best course of action is for you to move forward in your romantic endeavors. I hope you consider all aspects of what this means to your life and the people you care about. Good luck.
So that’s going to wrap things up this week. Hope I got to genuinely help some of you if I didn’t totally ruin your life with my horrible advice. If you want in on next week’s column, don’t forget to send your questions to StarrCrossed@amillionandonemagazine.com. I look forward to hearing from you!